We know it is true that were wicked, That our criminal laws are lax; But heres to punishment for the man Who invented the income tax. 3. "Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.". May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers. My condolences on your loss." "My brothers are still alive," the Irishman says. When you feel like crap from drinking wine, its called the grape depression. "I work until beer o'clock.". Heres to health, peace, and prosperity may the flower of love never be nipped by the frost of disappointment, nor the shadow of grief fall among a member of this circle! No retreat no surrender. Heres to those who wish us well, all the rest can go to hell. Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man. Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life. Ive lost three days already. But never forget to remember the things that made you glad. And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead. 6.) 14. A rich man lives in a castle, a poor man lives by the sea. 28. 14. 4.) PROGRAMAO. Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. Heres to lesbians, because they have good taste. (Mark Twain). It was a brewed awakening. Had too much wine last night. 79.) 2. Math Teacher: If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?Student: A drinking problem.. 77.) Heres to a long life and a merry one, a quick ending and a happy one, a good girl and a pretty one, a cold bottle and another one. So, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven!" "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. 30.) Stay foolish. Funny toasts are an excellent way to enhance any party or evening out. May your glass be ever full. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. #7. 89.) Fuc-King! What King? A duck walks in a bar and orders a beer then says Put it on my bill.. Life's a waste of time and time's a waste of life. Never look at your beer as half empty. So, lets drink these pints and get messed up. Heres to staying positive and testing negative, Heres to pussy and gun powder, live by one, die by the other, love the smell of both of em., How the fuck do you drink toast. I'll be true as long as you, And not one moment after." "May your glass be ever full, May the roof over your head be always strong, And may you be in heaven. 2. He says, youve got a great place, but my buddy was here last night, and he said you have golden urinals. Hey, it COULD happen! (Sinatra), 11. May you always have love in your hearts and champagne in your belly. To this fine person standing before me. Traditionally, the act of clinking glasses before taking a drink is believed to have originated from warriors. When we drink to the usual, we 8.) Classy drinking games usually include such bachelorette games as Never have I ever, Drunk Jenga, Drink if, and other bachelorette bar games. 10. Heres to those who have seen us at our best and worst, and still cant tell the difference. Heres to the floor, who will hold you when no one else will. A tennis ball walks into a bar. Cop: Have you been out drinking?Me: Uh yeah, Im 28, Ive been out drinking literally hundreds of times.. 11:11a, 1/27/12. 15+ The Simpsons Trivia Questions & Facts Only Real Fans Know. . Here's to love, laughter, and a happily ever after. 88.) There was once a sailor named Ron who told to his date ''you are tight one, aren't you?'' Paddy and Seamus are sitting in a small town bar. Toasts date back to Ancient Greece as a ritual and drinking to each others health. Another year has passed, and youre no older than the last! "Here's to me, and here's to you, And here's to love and laughter . 39. Hey bartender, I need a beer. If you cheat, may you cheat death. 397 Best Topics to Talk About (Unique, Deep, Funny, Spicy), 359 Best Roasts (Which You Can Use in Every Situation), 10 Great tips for finding Cheap Accommodation in 2020, South Norway: 25 Best Places to Visit on your Road Trip, 13 Expert tips for finding the best deals on Airbnb + $44 discount, Myanmar (Burma): 65 Best Places to Visit Your Complete Travel Guide, 25 Best Things to Do in Koh Tao, Thailand: Ultimate Guide, 25 Best Things to See in Yellowstone National Park, Road Trip USA 23 Best Places to Visit on West Coast, TransferWise Review 2019: All you need to know. 30. May your troubles be less, and your blessings be more, and nothing but happiness come through your door. A toast is a sign of honor and goodwill. I used to know a clever toast, but now I cannot think of it. Heres to the nights well never remember with the friends well never forget. 32.) What did the bartender say when Charles Dickens ordered a Martini?Olive or twist?. May the wind at your back always be your own. To the kisses weve snatched, and vice versa. Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. Coincidence?" - Stephen Wright "I followed my heart & It led me to ALCOHOL." God damn them! I found a message in a bottle. When the glass is full, Drink up! It's time for a toast. Heres to a night on the town, new faces all around, taking the time to finally unwind, tonight its about to go down! 16.) 7. I am as ever in bewildered awe of anyone who this kind of commitment that Angus and Laure have made today. Here's to the ones we love dearest and most. Here's to wars and revolution. Whats the difference between men and pigs? 24.) and our 95.) May the road rise to meet you, May the wind be always at your back, And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of his hand. 2. And trusting in Him, to Whom we all pray; May a song fill your heart, every step of the way. I had the strangest dream. Heres to hell. Toasts for Women. Little Johnny: can your dick touch your asshole?Grandpa answers proudly; 'Yes, it can'. 2.) For a good reason! No retreat, no surrender. A minister, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. They are perfect for any party. I drank to your health alone. 91.) Its ok if you sometimes find no better reasons for drinking. The kindness you spread, keep returning to you. variant of the I take my wife everywhere I go. "Here's champagne for our real friends, and real pain for our sham friends.". Life and beer are very similar. What do you call a guy whos had too much to drink?A cab. Heres to women. It is kind of easier to play naughty bachelorette party games and answer funny bachelorette questions when you have had a shot or two. May the lilt of Irish laughter lighten every load. In contrast, others jump right into stating what or who they are toasting to. - Frank Sinatra. May they soon improve. I wont, I shant, I dont! Some are more casual, while others are formal. Little Johnny: then go fuck yourself. Three of my favorite things. This is one nice toast to bring up at birthday parties. May your heart be light and happy. Im giving up drinking until Christmas!Sorry, bad punctuation.Im giving up, drinking until Christmas! 82.) And them that doesnt drink with sincerity, that they may be damned for all eternity! Our mission is to deliver fresh and enjoyable content. Heres to champagne for our real friends and real pain for our fake friends. 9. A gorilla walks into a bar, orders a Mai Tai, and hands the bartender a $20 bill. Tea lovers will enjoy these tea quotes and sayings. Wishing you more happiness than all my words can tellnot just for tonight, but all the year as well. Toasts Quotes. However, suppose you do not drink alcohol or want to consume less at the moment. This could . May we all have the chance to prove that money cant make us happy. Heres to It, And to It again. My friend fell asleep in the bar, so I poured my ale on him to wake him up. If you cant be with the one you love, love the wine youre with. And if you drink, may you drink with me. Here is to good luck. Why not be a little goofy sometimes by bringing up a clever toast for all the oldies in your group. Smart, sophisticated, friendly, and beautiful Now that's enough about me Here's a toast to you my dear friend! See more ideas about drinking toasts, drinking quotes, funny toasts. Friends bring happiness into your life. May the roof over your head be always strong. Tipsi's Bar Guide], [1948ca. Time is a waste of life. Many Irish drinking toasts, for example, will be completely inappropriate for a large wedding reception. All rights reserved. May we never go to hell but always be on our way. I decide which wine to drink on a case-by-case basis. To the kisses weve snatched and vice versa! Heres to champagne for our real friends, and real pain to our sham friends. 11. Im on a whiskey diet. 90.) May your liquor be cold, may your women be hot. The bartender said Sorry sir, we dont serve spirits here!, 49.) To our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet. 29.) ".here's to maintaining proper Ph Levels in our vaginas, yeast infections!" 2. freshcutgrass 10 yr. ago. 35.) A mans wife has more power over him than the state has. - Stephen King. Ive trained my dog to bring me red wine.Its a Bordeaux collie. Chill for best results. May the mist of Irish magic shorten every road. 13. In the second year of marriage, the woman speaks, and the man listens. But the oceans not beer and Im not a duck, so lets drink these pints and get messed up. Don't think there are no second chances. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. On your birthday, remember: dont drink and tattoo. You might also enjoy these coffee quotes and sayings. And vodka makes you not remember any of that. Few of us want to hear a long boring toast. A toast to all the champagne we'll drink tonight, and all the coffee we'll drink tomorrow. 19.) If God wanted us sober, He'd knock the glass . May they never stop. 4: Season of Mists [my personal favorite] Toaster: Excelsior! The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.". Best Funny Alcohol Quotes and getting drunk quotes, sayings, memes. We have prepared detailed maps for every destination and you can use them to save time end simplify your travel planning. Here's to the women that wear white shoes They smoke our dope, they drink our booze That may have lost their cherry, but that's no sin A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. JOGOS DE HOJE. Heres to working like you dont need money, loving like youve never been hurt, and dancing like nobodys watching. May we never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten. Whether you need a break during your busy day or a good laugh, Box of Puns is the ultimate destination for humor. May the face of every good news And the back of every bad news Be towards us. Cheers to beers and legs behind your ears. The Irish are well-known for their love of bawdy jokes. May you live to be as old as your jokes. Heres to a love that never grows old. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. http://davidlawmusic.com/blog/2013/9/27/collection-of-drinking-toasts To every lovable girl in the land, I offer this little libation. Everything they say, and everything . 7. By S.J. Whether youre heading out on the town or day drinking during a lockdown, youll find just the right line to share with your friends. Congratulations, buddy! It is customary to take a sip of your drink when someone toasts you. Heres to alcohol, which often makes one see double and feel single. One cant deny that English folks are hyped by their breakfast. Heres to doing and drinking, not sitting and thinking. 92.) If drinking beer, Could bring her back here, I'd drink the damn place dry, Yes, I'd drink the damn place dry! Heres to the women, with little pink shoes; who steal all our money and drink all our booze; now, shes not a virgin but thats not a sin, cause shes still got the box that the cherry came in. "To our wives and girlfriends. 74.) May we live to learn well and learn to live well. Check out our collection of 100+ party games for all ages! 22. 5. Never underestimate the power you have to take your life in a new direction. Where are they? The bartender turns to the band and yells, Frank, Ive got a lead on the guy who ruined your sax!, 43.) A guy walks into a bar and yells, "All lawyers are assholes.". A termite walks into a bar and says, Where is the bar tender?. I drank to your health in company. Love like youve never been hurt. 6. Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. How do you know if someone likes craft beer? Your energy and vibrancy touch anyone who crosses your path. Lets drink two and see where it goes. -Han Solo, 2. Everyone has their own path, fortunately mine leads to the liquor store. Heres to your liver. Here's to you and here's to me, Friends may we always be! Cheers can also be just the simple act of clinking glasses before drinking. Top 10 best drinking jokes 1.) 4. 57.) Happy birthday. David Emis the Founder and Lead Punster of Box of Puns, which he created to add more laughter and humor to life. Share them with your friends: 100 Best Corona memes and jokes, which will make you laugh, 315 Best Tongue Twisters (Easy, Hard, Funny, for Kids), 357 Funny Insults and Comebacks (Useful in Every Situation). Alcohol may be a man's worst enemy, but the Bible says to love your enemy. Beers so frothy, smooth and cold; Its paradise, pure liquid gold. Heres to marriage. Beer! 5. 36.) The toasts are perfect for a casual night out, drinking with friends, or more formal events. till it's out of me and out of you. I would rather be with the people in this room than with the finest people I know. Heres to it, And to it again. [1970, In that case, it is perfectly acceptable to thank the person for the toast without drinking. Funny birthday toasts are always in style. But the oceans not beer and Im not a duck, so lets drink these pints and get messed up. When I let them, I loose them. To prosperity! This is always a good one to overcome bad times. The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift because its the present. Roses are red, violets are blue. He said his non-alcoholic wine was delicious, I said he had no proof. May we live to learn well And learn to live well. Here's to each lad and his darlin' Colleen. Stop trying to make everyone happy. Two men walked into a bar. 68.) With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come. Take this fun personality quiz and find out now! May the stay there be as enjoyable as the way there." "I drank to your health in company. "Good Lord, he's done it again!". Little fools drink too much, and great fools not at all! Why do they never serve beer at a math party?Because you cant drink and derive. Especially if youre an old fellow with an army of memories. So why not get wasted all the time, and have the time of our life." 2. Funny Ideas of Birthday Toasts for Friends. Here's to the people we've . One cant deny that Homer Simpson is for sure a clever guy. With this collection you can add levity to any special event and will surely add some personal touch to it. Here are 103 funny drinking quotes that will have the room buzzing. Four reasons Jesus must've been Irish. Its a way to unify a group, mark a special occasion, or acknowledge someone. 26. She steals all your money and drinks all your booze. When we drink, we get drunk. To the three rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. May your coffee and slanders against you be ever alike without grounds. Tears make you braver. ; A (unique?) If youre nervous about meeting new people, a funny toast can help put everyone at ease. 9. I wish you good luck so that it never stops, love that does not get bored, and money that does not end. 52.) I drank to your health in company. Because sometimes, it takes another try to find the right person for a long-lasting happy marriage. May you never meet her daughter, Miss Fortune. The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. And after my house and my wife. Spilling a beer is the adult equivalent of losing a balloon. To my schizophrenic friend. "So," says the cop to the drunk driver, "where have ya been?" "Why I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. My favorite has to be: Heres to hell, hope my stay there is as fun as my way there, To the men over sees and to the women on their knees, Heres to two things I dont fuck with, rattle snakes and condoms, Heres to courage. "May we all be alive at this same time next year." "May you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live." "May the best day of your past be the worst day of your future." For one, they can help to break the ice at a party or gathering. Cheers to that. Heres to the man who takes the pledge Who keeps his word and does not hedge Who wont give up and wont give in Till the last mans out and theres no more gin. Nothing but the best for our hostess. "To your very good health. Writers block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.Steve Martin, The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.Humphrey Bogart, Beer is made by men, wine by God.Martin Luther, I distrust camels and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.Joe E. Ellis, Never underestimate how much assistance, how much satisfaction, how much comfort, how much soul and transcendence there might be in a well-made taco and a cold bottle of beer.Tom Robbins, Work is the curse of the drinking classes.Oscar Wilde, I am a firm believer in the people. Heres to bread because, without bread, theres no toast. 61.) The first draught a man drinks is for thirst, The second for nourishment, The third for pleasure and the fourth for madness. A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, Hey, we have a drink named after you! The grasshopper says, You have a drink named Kevin?. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. That's why she has us as friends. Ha-Ha; May you die in bed at 95 years, shot by a jealous wife (husband)! And learned if you drink too much, its likely tequil-ya. May you live each day like your last, and live each night like your first. 2023 Box of Puns. 1. Dance like nobodys watching. 13.) Heres to the women who have used and abused us. 85.) I think thats what they mean by reducing it. May you die in bed at 95 years, Shot by a jealous wife. And if you fight, may you fight for a brother. Here's to whores and prostitution, big ole bulls that keep on buckin and pretty little girls that keep on fuckin. A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal. May your net worth be like Irelands capital, always Dublin. 94.) A good girl and an honest one. To alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of lifes problems. I drank to your health in company. Happy birthday to you for years to come. Check to see if it is in Getz I Today, toasts are for parties, weddings, gatherings, and events. I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. "Just water," replied the priest. May the doctor never earn even a cent from you. The glass is brim. You have found the right place! Ive got way too much blood in my alcohol system. Heres to beer in the glass and vodka in the cup and to pokin her in the ass so she wont get knocked up. Me: I love you.You: Is that you or the wine talking?Me: Its me talking to the wine.. I feel sorry for wild animals because its like theyre always camping without beer. -Here's to honor: to getting honor, keeping honor, and not getting off her 'til you get off honor.