Even worse, today my husband and I took her to the baby classes, she suddenly refused me to hold her and wanted my husband only. She is not a competitor and never will be only you are his mom! My Postpartum Depression Made Me Reject My Baby. but Ive become hardened to it. If we dont see them for a couple of weeks, I feel the bond coming back but we cant stay away for ever & my girlfriend doesnt understand what Im going through please help cause it really hurts & gets me down. Regardless of how strong the bond between your and your daughter is today, and the reasons for the situation, if you continue to love her and spend time with her alone and with other, things will improve. This is painful, really painful. They dont remember, they dont understand why and it all becomes a hopeless power struggle. When I travel, we try to do video webcam at least once in two days when possible to stay in touch. She also wont let me give her the bedtime bottle- she screams- it has to be done by Daddy. Take a deep breath and focus and love and joy when you interact with your daughter. I am in the same boat. It just breaks my heart that my own parents seem to have taken my place. My daughter is my first child and I have waited a long time to have her. This hurts so much that I cant help but cry. It did not used to be this way she used to be very attached to me. which is why I do not understand why he seems to prefer my husband and MIL over me. i completely agree with you and also want to add that our love and care is imprinting our children on a sub-concious level. Quote #4. I dont know what to do, I have to work to support her, and I want that bond. Its got to a point where I feel like everything is against me. His Aunty drops down most weekends and he does not want to know me when she is around. Usually at this age, making sure that your child isnt doing anything dangerous (swallowing things, climbing too high, running out in the street, biting himself or other children et cetera) is more or less enough as an ambition. I do everything my mother does yet apparently I dont love her enough!! Unrequited love hey. And with every shared experience and every bit of advice I felt more and more comfort.Thank you so much for making me feel better, restoring my faith in myself as a mom. Just 15 minutes of fun interaction. I just persevered like you, and it really did get better. grandma was kinda showin me the ropes and showin me some tricksi also do alot of running around during the day so grandma watches her.now, when i have her and she gets upset she screams for mme. I couldnt see it coming and this is my first child, I love him very much, but this reaction I get from him is very unpleasant and hurtful to me. Just today, my mom was over and when she left, my son just wailed. First of all STOP acting bad towards your daughter. A few weeks back she was ill and I stayed at home to look after her. Seventy-five percent of the women Brody surveyed said they wished they had been able to take a longer maternity leave. Its been in the past few weeks that I have noticed that my almost year old son basically forgets that Im here when my husband or my mother walks in the door. It must be very confusing for her. Im in a bit of a no win situation here, I am expecting my first child with my partner, he has a daughter by a previous marriage , my job requires me to work out of the country for 4 weeks then I get 4 weeks off at home and so on. The earlier you start looking, the better. But it can take some time to start enjoying the ride ;-) I think its about time she stood up to her dad & told him but she as always been scared of him just like her older brother scared to say boo. And then a last piece of advice ask your mom to help you do the running around fixing things so that you can spend as much time as possible with your little girl. You can never get this time back. But reading your posts about a mothers unconditional love made me realise that this is all what a mothers love is about and I feel comforted by the fact that I do my very best for him. Those five weeks where he preferred his daddy over me where the hardest things Ive had to face since becoming a mum. A stock image of a woman waving goodbye to her son and a small child. I was scared of her! I have to admit that I was very impressed by his childcare skills. However, based on that you say your wife is concerned that your daughter doesnt like her anymore, it makes me believe that this situation has not been going on since she was an infant. He was born September 2 of last year and I was lucky enough to be able to spend all this time with him. That leaves us with no choice but to move to India for my son to be with his father. Also if I am holding him and she walks by, he struggles to get away from me. He will go to Nursery without a second glance and to any family or friend without so much as a look of concern over to me. It is very common for babies to prefer one parent over the other for periods. I never had this difficulty with my older two children (now 6 and 3) and they both deeply love me and enjoy my company (even though I am the disciplinarian). In addition, you could leave a used t-shirt them, to be used for naptime, for example, so your smell is as familiar as possible. I guess what really hurts my feelings is that when she is home is her dad and then I come home, she could care less. Before they head back to work after baby, send a text to brighten their day. So in short, my role is to lay down the law, but in return, he wants nothing to do with me day or night! It really hurts. One explanation to why your daughters reaction is so strong might be that 9 months is a sensitive age. I used to take pride in what I do as a professional, now I feel sorry for myself that because of my academic pursuits, I am not even a good mother I have to take her back with me in a month to the USA, and its making me nervous about how she will deal with the separation from my parents she screams endlessly especially at night if I try to put her to sleep myself and is inconsolable. It really upsets me because her dad or greatgrandmother can get her when she starts doing this to me and she is fine. Do you think itll pass? My daughter prefers my mother, as she looks after her while Im at college. I am searching high and low for a place away from her. Whereas, with her, he SCREAMS. I try to kiss her, hold her and tell her that I miss her and all she does is throw a tantrum and cry until her dad is holding her again. The other important thing is to protect your supply. for a couple of hours, she just hugged me while eyeing him and after accepting the fact that daddy was really there in person, she just went 2 daddy like he never left. But I dont get a look in. I used to adore my parents to death. They fidget a lot or hate getting messy. I am so in love with my son but am so heartbroken by this! I dont know why she it is getting upset at me and no one else. there was even one night where she pushed me away and tried to crawl away when i got near. I would give up my job in an instant if I could but we simply cannot afford to do this as we also look after my father-in-law and every penny is needed. baby rejecting mom after going back to work. I would hate for it to be the opposite. Is there anything i can do to help them bond? I think for young babies, being reminded of the other parent can be too painful to endure. My daughter is 2 1/2 years old, and she used to be very affectionate. My husband and mother care for him while Im gone (Mon-Fri 12-7pm). Thank you very much for the clarifications. If I am not around she is fine with her mom to an extent but still keeps pestering her mom wanting dad to come home and do things. we got seperated when she was 17 months. It may not feel like it right this moment but things will get better. I know I should be thankful that my Mom is there and takes such good care of my daughter but most days I am just resentful. Now he is 22 months and everything has reversed I can see the love I so much needed to see reflected in his eyes and I know he needs and appreciates me. He cant be without her for even a minute. So chin up, even when its hard. Reclaim your motherhood of your child. If the baby doesn't like this, try again later. Being just 1 month old (you can read about the milestones of a 1 month old baby here), your daughter doesnt think anyone is her mom she is just reacting to what feels the most secure. Some moms return to work just a few weeks after having a baby, while others take up to a year (or longer) of maternity leave. Our song hs never stoppd being sung even my hsband ws around. Going back to work after having a baby is a big career (and life) switch. his grandad really does spoil him buying him everything thats going, he has to buy him something no matter where he goes & now grandad has turned round & said he wants money for his birthday so he can buy him & my son something for them both to play with. If someone can take care of your older child now and then; have some fun together, just you and him. My husband sees him an hour per day if that and goes out of town a lot. Anyway, Im not writing to give a full update on my situation but instead I wish to respond to your posts. What am I doing wrong? Instead of turning your relationship into a power struggle, (trying to make him say mommy, for example), be proud of how much you have helped him to grow already! I started wearing lavender lotion every time i saw her, trying in some way to create a bond. Lori Mihalich Levin's book Back to Work After Baby: How to Plan and Navigate a Mindful Return from Maternity Leave, should be required reading for all new mamas. And I really hope that this is just a phase that she is going through. I had to go back to work part time at 6weeks, but have been 100% available and loving and devoted every second I have free. Even if hes holding her and I try to give her a kiss, she turns away and gets upset. I had the same reaction from my baby girl. Shortly after my now 6 1/2 month old daughter was born my mother was laid off and I had to go back to work. Hold your baby skin to skin, and keep your baby close. You havent ruined your baby with your sadness. My daughter is now almost 10 months old and cries even when I walk by. I feel like a lazy, uninvolved mother and I hate it. And as being the preferred caretaker at the moment, your mom can help you a lot by firmly handing over your daughter to you at certain points. That's where you come to her rescue and change all that with this gift for a mom going back to work. After college Im with her all the time, I play with her, feed her, do things that I feel is bonding but she still prefers my mother when given the choice. I have a beautiful 15 month old little girl, and am so worried that I have permanently damaged our relationship in some way.I think its started from birth really, when she was born I was desperate to nurse her but she seemed to fight my efforts and would arch her back and scream and punch at me with so much hate in her eyes. Even if i hold my hand out for her, she clings to my MIL and my husband. All of a sudden our 9 month old son seems to prefer his daddy over me. Whats worse is that my mom seems to enjoy the attention from him. Sadly even then I think this hard-wiring can persist until well into school years, maybe beyond. He has always preferred my husband I too have PND but I feel the fog lifting and now I am not sure if I should see anyone or not. what am I to do !! I KNOW your baby loves you. If your baby is younger than one year, even if she seems to be losing interest in breastfeeding, chances are she is not yet ready to wean. I totally understand that you are thinking about another job, and maybe that isnt such a bad idea over time But until then or if you choose not to, there are a few things you can do. But from what you write, it sounds like this is a fairly new thing? Love, Peace and Joy to you all with lots of Blessings!!!! going to bed, having her diaper changed, eating (weve had problems with her wanting to eatanother issue entirely), etc.). Hello everyone i am a stay home mom from the day my baby boy was born i do EVERYTHING for him!!! I have a 3 year old with whom I am going through a very same problem and I am having a really tough time with it. I really hope this was at least a little bit of help. I love my child more than anything in the world and I hope that she knows it. Please help me!! Push her away and put your foot down. Talk to your employer to determine the frequency and length of federally-protected pumping breaks. I have a 9-month-old baby, who doesnt seem to want me anymore. when i return,, i dont get to see that eagerness in my son to see me.. instead almost ignors me and spents his time with is aunt.. i dont even get a chance to be with him , play with him.. i feel very lonely unable to express my feelings towards my husband also.. nowadays he even sleeps with his aunt at night..i am not able to tolerate this anymore.. feeling light when i write this out openly.. hope that i would get adjusted to this situation.. afterall i cannot expect my son to change. If must be terribly hard to be away so much from your family and then come home and not feel welcome. From the day he was born (and Im his birth mother for heavens sake!) However, before it got better I came to a sort of terms with it more or less, though I had bouts of severe depression about it from time to time. this week she turned 9 months and she has somehow attached herself to my mom. That is actually a very sensitive age when separation and stranger anxiety set is. Then I have my daughter four years later, and she is the same way, and she was born vaginally, immediately placed skin to skin, and I never worked or was separated from her. So youve done great job. You and your wife disagree on how to deal with several issues regarding your son and you take on the role of being the one disciplining him. But they arent helping your relationship with your child. XOXO, Paula. I have watched them interact from a distance and she smiles, dances, and plays with him. I also have a 5 year old daughter and she is the opposite. It hurt me so much, I feel as if lm not doing enough. Do so at the times your baby used to nurse. Like many of you, I am a working mother who loves her baby girl more than anything in the world. She doesnt come when i call out to her. Then when my mother-in-law came to pick him up so I could go to work and I tried to give him a kiss he wouldnt let me and he hit me in the face and cried when I tried to give and hug and hold him he cried. I felt so upset, My 18 month baby boy really likes his dad than me. weekends wen i wanna spend time with my gal they comes in between n tells my husband to bring her over . Carry on telling your cousin who her mother is and that it is not you. If you're going to continue pumping, have a plan in place. It is good to know you are not the only one it is a hard thing to talk to anyone about so great to have a place to come and be honest with your feelings ..thank you. Its my first baby and this hurts sooo much inside seeing it happen everyday. It took effort from all of us to get to where we are now, but forgiving each other and moving on as responsible adults to give our boy a good life, is one of the best things Ive done in my life.). I play with, love and nurture my 17 month old boy but he doesnt seem to care about me. One thing's for sure: he wants nothing to do with you. I just wanted to tell the parents here that this has nothing to do with your work or parenting style. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. this is just a phase. Trust me, I feel it too now and then and husband even more, who has been the one NOT chosen especially by our youngest. Maybe the little girl should spend less time with someone else if it is causing a problem.