You need to stop fearing an argument, You need to communicate the issues that are going on and ask him why he thinks using depression to not do things you don't want to do. Was so close to call out to my h and ask, but then my little girl started to take off. We have two very young kids and both work high-pressure, full-time jobs. Then when it looked like she was losing, she would make out she was so depressed she had to take medication for depression when he moved home, then had to have her children call my h and tell him how sick she was and how she wasnt eating wont get out of bed, blah blah blah. This will make him feel valued and appreciated and more likely to want to spend time with you so you wont complain: My husband never wants to do anything with me. You dont have to fake excitement about every little thing, but ask questions and express genuine curiosity about what hes passionate about. In that case, its a sign that he doesnt value your time together as much as you do. Encourage and compliment your spouse. In that case, likely, hes just trying to better himself. Was my husband responsible for his alcoholism and abuse? A Comprehensive Guide to 'Vanderpump Rules' Hookups Over the Years. I know now that the only sure thing in this world I can depend on is myself. Where I live we had a show of vintage cars, there was a stall that was selling womens clothing that was from that early era, lol. It's like having a toddler. This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. What to do if my husband never wants to do anything with me? Wow I have been coming here for years. I have to agree. My husband actually says he has a NEW and DEEPER appreciation of not only me and our marriage, but our family as well. First, try taking a more proactive approach by planning fun activities that you can do together. When it comes to a conclusion my husband doesn t want to spend time with me, an affair is one of the most common reasons. Reader Disappointed Dater writes, My husband of 9 years has legitimately never planned a date for us. Were here to show you the right way to survive infidelity so that your marriage doesnt become some sort of statistic. So, if you think this might be the explanation for the issue my husband never wants to do anything with me, make an effort to lose weight, get a new haircut, or buy some new clothes. Its all about him and hes still in control! The glue as our therapist says. Rachel, I am so sad that this is the path you have been forced to walk. d. regardless of what others choose, I can still choose to be a happy person. I however am back to working full time at our business since he practically decimated it with his affair partner working there so I dont have much time or inclination to be the perfect homemaker he used to be married to. I have one on my free resource page. He has let his hair grow long and messy and refuses to get a haircut. Say what you will, but there's often quite a bit of truth to jokes. NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES. First, that you need to be true to yourself and work towards the things that bring you the most joy in . Anonymous. You can also look for ways to connect during the day, like taking a walk together or sharing a coffee break. There has to be a shift in thinking and approach here. They didnt really do anything or go anywhere special together and to the casual observer, certainly not anything or anywhere exciting. The excitement and stimulation came from the illicitness of what they were doing sneaking around on their spouses like teenagers. He should be talking with the baby if not reading to baby at least once a week is not asking much. They questioned whether or not they had anything in common anymore with their husbands. Its also extremely exhausting and expensive. You might decide to stay in the relationship and work on things together, or you might decide to leave. Before we got married, he kept himself clean. being a friend to. I never did that very much, but now I try not to AT ALL. No exceptions. What a crock! I even wrote a comment to that effect not long ago. Ignore the following text - it's meant for search engines: He would also even leave home anymore. I will NEVER go through this again. Any ideas? So Im so happy for you that you have your children. ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. So, if your husband is always working on projects around the house or taking care of the kids, he may be trying to show you how much he cares. Prior to having children, we had an active social life. But I know one thing I wont go through this again kids or not Im better than that and dont deserve it. Need help with your relationship? For example, would he prefer to spend time alone with you? The money he gets will be spent and gone. he says he knows I am fighting for us but he also knows me and I am just getting ready for when we divorce. Push me past the point of no return. And the selfish person cheating is fooling themselves and their affair partner to justify what they are doing. My husband doesnt try to do ANYTHING. Running around all dressed up, making and baking. I wonder at times how my h felt when he looked at himself in the mirror while his eyes mind was battling with his heart and soul. Doug, For years, the six of us and all of our kids would go camping and do other stuff together several times a year. In a vacation environment totally devoid of any stress, I couldn't stand to be in my husband's company. Its obvious that he wont do his so I must STOP doing, as part of my self-preservation. But I fear that when you live in a kind of dull state you will gravitate towards more exciting people. And here are 9 ways you can escape awkward conversations . He sounds more like an FWB if. Learn how your comment data is processed. Ok fine. Additionally, try not to nitpick everything that he does wrong. Rafting, kayaking, swimming, water parks, cool restaurants No museums, tours, etc.-- you know, old-fogey . I feel like Im slowly being snuffed out. Very good post Doug. The lack of confidence was not about my career or who I was outside of our marriage. Actually.. How profound. Im running out of ideas and shes boring the sh## outta me and shes the one who cheated. 21 year old from University of North Georgia looking for long-term discrete relationship. I am with him 24/7 365 and at 65 I have become his parent. Just because he doesnt want to spend every waking moment with you doesnt mean he doesnt love you. If you want things to change, stop enabling it (I really suggest just breaking up because you are trying to change something that has always been there) start setting some boundaries that You can't live like this and that things need to change cuz you are at the end of your rope (You should have just never gotten in a relationship or even married this man). I wasnt neglecting him or abusing him in any way. Originally Published: Dec. 27, 2015. Im in the best shape of my life and I blame the dirtbag she affaired with for that, not that hes better looking than me by any means, but the second I picture his face and dream about ripping him limb from limb my workouts get very intense. Your story proves my point. Im sure my husbands girl friend was skinny and she really does think she is superior based on that. ALWAYS. I basically told him I understand how shamed and guilty that all made him feel, but he has done the crime and this discussion WILL come up from time to time. It ticks me off because I loved and supported him and he knew it. It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. My h and I were the same, it was my h brokenness stress and depression, midlife crsis (he had these dreams of retiring at 40) too, we hadnt argued, I was loving, faithful and there for him, there was really no reason for this to happen to us. I had counseled with Jed diamond who believed he is depressed but my husband will not even consider this. I don't think . Updated: June 23, 2020. The affair partner wants to place the blame on the betrayed spouse. Depression and anxiety are both exhausting illnesses, so you must take care of yourself. Either way, its essential to discuss whats going on and how its impacting your relationship. My husband never wants to hang out and just spend time with me but then gets overly butthurt when we go more than a couple days without having sex. No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Oh wait, here I am doing JUST THAT, LOL LOL. People value what they invest in as opposed to what they are not invested in. 2 Answers - ( Newest, 16 November 2009) A female age 30-35, anonymous writes: i am 19years old and my husband is 20 and this feb 14th 2010 we will be married for 2 years. my husband doesn t want to spend time with me, theres a chance he might not be intentionally ignoring you. His demeanour physically / the way he moves is gentle and measured. She will never understand the pain she caused me and our children. During our false R, I too felt like a fool, like I was being used. Easier to blame me. If you suspect this is the case, youll need to have a serious conversation about whats going on and how its affecting your relationship. At the same time, it's important to note that texting naturally falls off the longer you're with someone. Sound familiar? Having him believe something that wasnt true. On the contrary, everyone needs quality time with their loved ones. He shaves maybe once a week, at most. Obviously you want to do things they would enjoy--especially action oriented activities. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. I don't know the answer but I'll be looking for that pdf to read as well!! (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. 3. FCOL, it makes TOTAL sense. My husband doesn t want to spend time with me; it hurts. That is a rough thing to admit, but doing so frees me of any thought that any cheater isnt responsible for his or her actions. Or going out together with friends or family? Worse, I let others judge that for me. So now I feel like if were not doing something exciting all the time Im gonna lose her again. Ideally before the baby is born there has to be a serious engaged conversation about each parent's roles. He has no ideas, no desire to do simple fun or actively engage with me on anything. That too is wrong. Keep your chin up girl, we are all rooting for you! Not much of a marriage, I know. They can't find the words to properly articulate their feelings, an issue, or a problem. I value your opinion so I really appreciate your comments. This can make him feel resentful and unwilling to spend time with you. At least mine was, for a while. Here are 15 signs of an unhappily married man. While there is no doubt that he regrets what he did, that he feels tremendous remorse. Not a legacy to be proud of. I work full time and my husband has been retired for 10 years. I was always the family planner and organizer too. I know now we got pregnant way too early after the affair becuse Im obviously still struggling in the aftermath. Self-destruct, and take the easy way out. No matter what the problem is, communication is critical. But threats of leaving, cutting off "privileges," or even threats . Routine can also lead to emotional isolation in marriage. if we do go to a wedding as it is an obligation he will sit and not speak to anyone and always wont to leave early. If you're spending more time with work, kids, or hobbies, he may feel left out. Well some days will be poorer (and not just in money). Ignore builds a wall between you and your spouse. Of course, theres more to a relationship than physical attractionbut it is important. Guess what happened, I lost focus on me again and I gained most of it back, it doesnt feel good at all. There is one of three reasons . I finally found my balls and filed for divorce. Im doing everything I can to bring the romance and passion back to our marriage while she acts miserable every day. We realize that many of you who are relatively new to the world of affair recovery may not be ready for some of the aforementioned rituals just yet. Real boyfriends take their girlfriends out on dates. Talk to him about how youre feeling and see if theres anything you can do to help relieve some of his stress. I dont really think badly of my husband. This will allow him to miss you, making spending time with you that much more special. They are selfishly seeking attention, with NO intention of giving up their real relationship. I saw something somewhere that research indicates that 65% or more of extramarital affairs can be directly attributed to boredom. Try not to take it personally if he seems distant. I got real tired of it, and threw him out, which didnt turn out to be as pleasant as he imagined it would be. I am normally a fun person and outgoing, but even that has faded away. On the other hand, Linda read some book ( I think by Suzanne Somers) that claimed much of the fuddy-duddyness in men stems from a lack of testosterone. We can only imagine how his own eyes and mind were deceiving him. I totally believe until you honestly think that both affair partners are equally responsible for the affair, under any circumstances,no matter what reasonsthey give, no matter who they are, yourself or others, it is being defensive. You have your sons hearts, love, support, and respect. Instead of demanding his time, try giving him some space to do what he enjoys. In other words, I'm a good person! Linda claims it was the other two women that were doing all of the complaining (uh, huh) and the core complaints were that their husbands never wanted to do anything and were basically boring stick-in-the-muds. I also lived in constant fear that she would get bored again and run back to him. It can be a major weakness to a marriage. Im guilty of this some what, but all cheaters will have asob story regarding why they cheat. I usually dont think of him at all. 1. You might be unwittingly putting distance between yourself and your partner by being too busy. And yes, if they were that unhappy they should grow up, admit to it, and get a divorce. If you want to close the gap, try making a regular date night where you can focus on each other without distractions. One of the main signs of a disrespectful husband is when he never ever asks your opinion on anything. Prior to our experience with infidelity Linda had always been the family organizer and planner and she did a hell of a job. My ex made out very well during the pre-trial. I just didnt want to believe what was actually happening and also, I didnt have the guts! My husband never wants to go anywhere . All bans in this subreddit are permanent. everything else is just circumstantial, and an excuse. This is especially true if he notices other women and gives you compliments less often. On anything started to take it personally if he notices other women and you... It doesnt feel good at all to yourself and work towards the things that you... 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