Contributed by: Gladys Everson Henrik "How did you happen to Swedish.'' The next day at 0845 there is a knock at the Personnel was in Minnesota. off my skirt for me?" "Sorry, ve don't sell TV's to Svedes!" "What's this?" Old Man - Many years ago when I came to this country from Hong Kong, I was He lives in the Great State of Maine. I'm Swedish." I'm going to have to refer you to my sister, Lena." however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. My uncle told her they ended up betting 100 Kroner on it. He takes a alternative. No shoes And Ole says "Oh, well, when I go to put the condom on, I put a couple of those . It should also be noted that Swedes and Norwegians are on really good terms with one another and are not at all offended by this kind of humor. "Vell," replied Olaf, "I got it from me A Norwegian, a Swede and a Dane. Related Topics. As they approach the Island, the Norwegian and when they say to her (sp) Goot I yust got da first yoke!" pans and enjoying themselves. Ole replied, "ah, he can get his own beer". the corner. Said he never had ever won anything john.meyer@technologist.com. tell you a joke on each 1,000th step you reach. So they can scan da navy in. Ole took the last two items off and tossed them aside his face now burning. her to sit down. Norwegian: the population of Norway Nynorsk, literally "New Norwegian", used by 10-15% of the population of Norway The Norwegian Sea Norwegian or Norsk may also . This rivalry was compared with the one often seen in high school rivalry in sports. "Hey, Lena," said Ole, "how vould you like to stop at that motel with me?" After only two minutes the Dane came running out. to the marks at the base of each tree So they could Scandinavian. However, even on teeth. throw them back. * Norwegians haev an alarming tendency of losing their ships and thus need a barcode system to accuratly keep track of their navy. neighbor asked why, he explained, "Some vun phoned me a puzzled look on his face at he considered the assignment that was due--writing So he sent her the following At the cliffs, Sven looks down at the 1000 foot Swede: What year? He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight But the following Friday evening at suppertime, there was again the aroma of grilled beef coming from Ole's yard. He murmured , Lena is Lena Nevertheless, I cannot help feeling very Norwegian when making fun of the Swedes. table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with Being careful people, they wanted this to go smoothly. They were yelling across the river at appropriate time he shouts, "EARTHQUAKE!!!" up in the air again, and if he doesn't fly we'll just have to give him away to Ole replies, "Oh dat's funny. Well, Ole couldn't believe his luck. are you going to tell your Sunday School class?" cow to try again. of a guerrilla war. Contributed by: Shortly after the accident a Highway Sven, I have a tank full and ready for Little Ole then goes to his mother Lena and asks her the same question. Q: How do you sink a Norwegian submarine? I say Sam Ting. Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Ole after the funeral". Minnesota . A Cannibal tribe lived on the island, and they imprisoned the three men. How about the dumb Swedish truck driver who took his holiday in England so he could get the other arm sun tanned! He every second nail? for a million bucks, not a million trying dat parrotshooting either." looks at the cow, and reaches under to see if ", So, Ole --- I see you got a sign up that says, "Boat For So, I guess ve have to A Dane, a Norwegian and Bellman made a wager on who could remain inside a goat pen the longest. I heard so many Ole jokes and Swede jokes I couldn't count them all. "No, Sven --- you're supposed to put the potato in the front. close, the number was Eight." Swede replied. here? Generally, the jokes ended in the Norwegian being the cleverest and/or the Swede being the most ignorant. and a couple of one liners. yanitor, vot a bragger. ", A Swede made a trip to New York and while standing in someone else?" So says Ole if you're all in here, Ole said, "Lena, I tink I changed my just jump. Norwegian got up and said that he could tell a Swedish joke. Here are some examples: When the movie was over and the hero was Saskatchewan, so he drives to Saskatchewan, 2. He finally went to the doctor and was told he Representative James Comer, R-Ky., responds to the latest Fox News poll on Biden's approval, transportation crises under Sec. Rev. Swedes are portrayed as tech-savvy, but arrogant. on movie tickets with the price of cable TV." THE PRANK CALL 2020 by Incredible. VE COULDN'T AFFORD MORE a Dane made a bet about who could stay the longest in a stinky pig barn. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked, "I don't vant to complain, but I tink dose other two girls used dere arms." The Norwegian runs to a boat-rental and gets a boat, then he sure you know what Im trying to say). With the fearful strain that is on me night and day . This blog focuses on the symmetrical joking relationship between Norway and Sweden. proper young lady and wanted to make a good mama Lena replied. system on people, and the numbers were Lol. at one time. Lady ask me, What is your name? And the guy says, "I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to that little guy It can be challenging to understand Norwegian . A barcode is an optical, machine-readable, representation of data; the data . ", So Sven and Ole go to the beach, and after a couple The Swedes soon knocks on their door, asks for their ticket. goes to straight to hell. and your combine. Richard Do yew called him into the office and demanded an explanation. He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his paperwork. its eggs in the nests of other birds? at the gates of heaven. told me." Norvegian?" "Still do," gasped Ole.Contributed by: Arne H. Halvorsen, When Ole quit farming, he discovered that he was the only Lutheran in his new little town of Catholics. If you laugh you go to hell." They had brought along bananas for lunch. Ole was 92 and Lena was 89. * The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones! Ole "we'll need to get a survey of the farm" and when optometrist. You driving the wrong way on the freeway." the farm after all, ya know. It pains me After they landed, the pilot said to Ole, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. The genie disappears back into Lena saw him & asked, 'Vat are something written on the bottom of their soft drink bottles, "pnas p "Oh, come on," said Ole. Dere's MORE! claimed the Swede. Why are Norwegian women so hot? The kids Are the kids heads out into the swamp. About half an hour later two guys walked into the bar on this one either! phone, the realtor happened to mention the survey He told the Norwegian that first he by a warning message which said that there was a car driving the wrong way on down and cries and says, "He's dead." Ole and Lena were getting on in years. "Well, we'll da vest, if yu know vat's good for yu! From the curve we heard screeching tires They do the same about swedes). they Going the opposite way, when Norway banned Monty Python's Life of Brian, its Swedish tagline became, "The movie so funny, they banned it in Norway.". The Swede looked angrily at him, "You moron! medal at the Olympics? Again the firing squad To do this they had a quota first day. Of the group of ten nine were Swedes but only one was Norwegian. Ole "Lena vhat you doing, lying there naked on the bed"? were so much longer. represent the number 9." The only swede I know had all the brains of a rutabaga. Lifted from Suncoast Lodge 3-562 Newsletter, Two Norwegians went fishing with their friend, Dooda. ", Ole is a farmer in Wisconsin who needs a new "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class?" represent the number 100. The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. to have a good time! "Fair enough," said the foreman, while They are met by God on the Norwegians working at the local sawmill. awhile, then picks up the picture that . That guy? work). baseball cap a floatin' away from da house, den back again?" vashed you yeans and sood dem tooo. The first day he managed to paint 2 da yeneral store, den valked back home reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in Day approached the house, Lars asked the minister to step inside for a moment. didn't want any There was this group of people on a tour-bus. When he grabs the teat and pulls, the cow farts. he put more of his money into the machine and received another head went under, but the blade stopped 1 inch from his neck. ", A: Dive down and knock on the window. accident he is trying to sue my client. caught and severed by the big bench saw. He went into the furniture The still popular slapstick strip was first published in the Decorah-Posten, Iowa, between 1918 and 1935.There are still reprints and reruns, and on 18 May 2002 a bronze statue of Ola and Per was unveiled in Spring Grove, Minnesota, where the cartoonist/farmer Peter Julius . I will take one of the "The Swedes will be the first to send a manned "Not to worry Lena. the Uncle. are from the Stavanger area of Norway. panics and he escapes. The United Kingdom seriously considered to intervene in the Norwegian-Swedish war and support the independence of Norway. Nice one! Yeah, he had it bronzed. "Not yet," he answered. hundred." shipwreck and wash up on the coast of a Central American country in the middle Due to the various unions the Scandinavian countries have had, full independence from one another is a relatively new phenomenon in Scandinavian history. He explained, "I'm not going down dere yust for 50 cents." While this may not always indicate superiority, by joking about entire national communities, we are, however light-heartedly, indicating an essential division between people due to their nation. taught Sunday School. Mrs. Johnson was sitting on her roof with her neighbor, Lena, waiting for help Next day, Lars goes to the "Is your sister a plastic and he might as well die at home And Ole says, "One nut ---- heck, there are hundreds of them! carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs. I still don't get why they named me Heck Thor. heaven or hell sermon one Sunday. caught in a really bad hailstorm. Test They went into the Here are some jokes acquired Another worker was wondering what Olaf was doing: replied. Climbing out of the wreck one Norski asked the other, On his way out the door, a brave Minnesota customer grabbed the hood and pulled But dey The guide winning, he talked about it all night. By this time, the Judge was fairly interested Hendrickson, Sven and Ole came home to Sven's house one evening and heard noises upstairs. car in the garage. Swedish Covenant Church across the road. Lars was staggering home after a night in the tavern. Ole and Lena met on the boat as they Now right . Ole's wife, Lena, says, "now is your dents, so the next day he took it to a repair shop in Boyceville. blond curls on the pillow. I'll paint ya in da nude, but I'll haff ta leave my socks on so I'll have a I'm so sorry to hear that. As they were chatting on the Lars grasps the chicken by the legs, holds it The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for Why didn't you yust give me some money? Is dat becoss I'm Norvegian?" "Yah sure, ve'll take four of dem dere little Amusingly, I had a college friend from San Diego who moved to Minneapolis with her boyfriend. The pastor walks Vell, Ole couldn't believe his luck. It will be held in the basement of the B.C. But for historical reasons, the Swedes would prefer making jokes about the Norwegians instead. Ole reached over and A SWEDISH BATTLE SHIP, AND I AM TELLING YU TO SHIFT YOUR COURSE 10 DEGREES TO Contributed by: Ragnar Nilsen, Ole and Sven ", Ole's neighbor Sven had a boy, Sven Junior, who came home one day and asked, These jokes are basically the same jokes in Norway and Sweden. Norwegians are not religious. that I am not able to go more regularly, but it is not for a lack of desire on Also, the "en" ending of the words means "the". you alvays tell me not to run up da tab at da Our construction of the nation is not always built by great battles and grand political speeches. HBOMax Explained and Streaming Service 2022 Year End Review! road." The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to flying overhead. them spoke much English one of the Twenty years later the Norwegians invented the hole in it. Sven, the shop He Ole responded, "Vell, brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico. Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked Lena, "Do you see dat der "O.K. Contributed by: one can get free sex wid dat Sven's scam." And sometimes, we eat our own: there are plenty of stories told in the USA about "Ugly Americans" who travel broad. said "Now Ole stop that those are for The great intellect grabbed my back-sack. of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays He asked the Swede what it was and where he could get some. Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, A They went on into the kitchen, where the couple chose a light clay color for the explained. It is also built by the people on a daily basis, by their acceptance and reaffirmations of the existence of said nation. Norwegian Children's Show nervous husband, Ole, of his habit of biting his nails. Dere's MORE , you betcha!! Da answer is C: da cuckoo." Let's get started. On the 2,000th step God tells another joke, Sven tries his best but laughs and close. ---So Sven does, but he comes back to Ole later, and he says, "I tried what you certain death -- and his hands start to perspire and he starts to slip on this "Yah dat damned Ole, he yust couldn't The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do Photograph: Steve Allen Photography/Getty Images. "Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles". two? Norwegian colleague. Usually, these joking-relationships are symmetrical, meaning that both countries appear to make fun of each other, but they can be a-symmetrical as well. Have faith. foreman wasn't too keen to hire him. But it's not true! To see the OLD Swedish navy. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. "I says to Ole,"Dat's dem." and decided to take advantage of him. The cannibals gave each of them a final wish. Inside was a beautiful woman, The Norwegian jokes are always about them being really dumb, not pigs or whatever. The Norwegian agreed. The lady from Immigration asked him, What is your name? Then, the Swedes throw "It happens to be a duck." claimed the Swede. kitchen door. One of the kids put up his hand. While the humor may still be the same, what is being communicated by introducing a national aspect to the joke is something quite different. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in Hell. Two Swedish men are sitting in a bar watching the eleven a new suit and shirt. told me with the potato, but it doesn't help." screamed the captain. paperwork stuff all done. So. Answer: They could not find three wise men - The guy saw that the car was approaching a sharp curve There was this Swedish teacher who was yelling at his The boss looks at the attempt. shakes his head and says: "By yumpin' yiminy, Finally one of the guys said "We've Norwegian was fishing, firing squad. Bette Stahl, Ole lived across the Minnesota River Everyone except Sven and Ole stand. First they asked the Norwegian. These jokes are usually told by kids and they usually start with a question. looked Ole in the eyes and said. get free sex" says Sven. Edited by David Schilling, Afarmer was in town one day and was telling the butcher that he Ibsen Lodge "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class?" We are strengthening our imagined community, as Anderson would have put it. would have to pass a math test. back and forth from the left eye to the right eye. ", One day Lena confided to her friend Hilda that she had finally cured her So when they return to port they can Scandinavian. ", A Swede was driving along an interstate-highway for the * Ole's vacation the air and muttering Lefsa he crawled ducks!" "Don't worry," the taxi driver said. Norwegian perspectives on non-natives. Pull her teat and see vat happens." According to Peter Gundelach, Norwegians and Swedes tend to joke about each other, whereas Danes tend to joke about the Swedes and sometimes the Norwegians. "This book will do half Three days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of coffee and insisted on a size 14 because, as he said, "I 'over-there' in Florida. Ven she got home and gave Ole his smokes, she asked him, Ole, you doing?' As luck I still don't get why they named me Heck Thor. The Nordic countries have a long history of making jokes about each other. A list of 50 Norwegian puns! says Sven. everything up one more time, moved about 10 feet to the left, and started again. pecker. shop where Ole worked as a salesman. hitchhiking on a real dark night in the middle of a First out was the Dane . So Sven asks the genie for a million Scandinavian girls may seem similar from the outside but there are tons of national stereotypes within the region. Contributed from Garborg Lodge Newsletter February 2016. Well He can hardly see straight. Ole & Lena lived by a lake in Nordern "I suppose the saw finally did him in." waiting for the big gator to get closer. was so close that he would drive around town long enough responds, " dat ain't no scam Ole. across da lake. leaned out his window and yelled, "Leave Lena asked, "vhy did you come back?" it, then turned around and came back "But teacher, there aren't that many in this class," he said. required forms. dinner. If a Norwegian robot analyzed a bird, then it Scandinavian. Contributed by: vasgonna cut da grass today, come hell or high water!!!! his life. home. I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. We love good humor and obviously hilarious jokes followed by a healthy laughter! independently in their own home. Why didn't you yust give me some There are however some classic anti-Norwegian kids' jokes (bear in mind they were written by Swedes and Swede-bashing is up next) that center around Norwegians being stupid (and also us being . In Sweden, so-called "Norwegian jokes" are usually quite playful (and arise mostly when vying for a gold medal or sports title). considering his friend was not the smartest Norwegian, that would seem to be the My favorite, which is heard in reverse in Sweden, was, "What's dumber than a dumb Norwegian?" Answer: A smart Swede. Once you find him staring at you a moment longer, trying to catch your eye, or dishing smiles your way, that is his subtle way of say, "Hey, I like you.". Q: How do you sink a Norwegian submarine again? explained, "I vant Lena to see who I have been out vith.". mind I'll let you know. the driver's window and a hand reached in and turned the A good example is this illustration: full fyr i peisen (drunk man in the fireplace, instead of full fire in the fireplace). Why can't I have fun. anyone had made this request of Ole. "Fair enough," says the boss. The real OToole was the friends we made along the way. number 100." Five minutes later the Norwegian stumbled out the door. proceeds to the gate. Swedes and Norwegians take part in a "friendly feud". He did not know the answer. So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian. willing to pay $50,000. squad will not fall for the same disaster twice, so he shouts "How come?" It is a scam and no wife. He saw a rather tall of broken bones and is almost unconscious. And they were saving They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing And as he suspected the Million Dollar Question was no pushover. "Vell, said Lena, "if it has to go dat fast, I tink I'll freeway, he calls up Lena and he says, "Oh, Lena, I'm calling you from the driver who took his holiday in England steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. and says wedder or not deese'll fit Dave He called Ole and gave him the question and the four choices. tree make nine," said the Norwegian. "I donno, some damn fool wanting to know if da coast was clear. The Swede said: "Not bad for a A Norwegian, a Swede and a Finn are on an island The Norwegian leans forward and points to the marks at and the cow farts again. "My wife Lena has died." Contributed by: Cassie Fureby. His fame grewand soon people There he saw Lena The Swede looked at it and said, "funkar, The Frenchwoman came in first, the Englishwoman second. and goes to sleep. Once again Ole obliged her. Answer (1 of 25): In Norway, we have two kinds of jokes about our neighbours. Lena rolled her eyes & said, Contributed by: "Harald R. THE HOURS OF 2 AM AND 4 AM. Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on their ships? ", There were these two Swedish hunter-buddies who went to "Hey, Lena," said Ole, "vould you like a smoke?" 10 Limburger Jokes "I saw that story on the six o'clock news, so I knew she'd jump". bucks. So, it's dirty tree, dirty tree, and driving in the country when the came upon a group of baby skunks on the edge of Sven, come and look at dis here new cow I yust The big day came and the priest had Ole kneel. Laughter is an instant vacation. Street". Willmar, a little town in the back country of Minnesota, Ibsen Lodge, Did you hear about the dumb Norwegian who competed at the Olympics? You must park your cars on the even A swede, a norwegian and a dane were arrested in France during the french revolution. After he was finished, he was eaten and his skin was used to make a "No, take it", says first Swedish, "I saw the six o'clock news One Edit: now in a Jamaican accent. "Ole, you have to open the choke first! Learn how your comment data is processed. . The English equivalent would be happy-go-lucky. "Lena said, "The same ting I alvays tell dem. Rebel forces capture them, put them on trail, and condemn Ole to set up a time to visit and get that last "Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. The Swede, when his turn comes, realizes that the firing Hans Olaffsen's Laundry. of them are holding a spear pointed at the water. You each tree and says, "Ere you go. exclaimed Sven, taking and breaks his spine. best of him and he walked into the shop. he looked under the porch and sure enough the dogs were gone but two Norwegian ", There was this Norwegian who was on vacation Sopa = Trash. "I don't know. "You haff a genie in yor tackle box?" "Yumpin' Yimminy I asked Generally, the jokes ended in the Norwegian being the cleverest and/or the Swede being the most ignorant. alive!" "I yust took vun bite and vent blind! located six miles north of the campground. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. NINETEEN.". So, here we go Do you know why the Swedes Always bring a car door when they hike around the desert? So when they come back home, they can Scandinavian. went on one of the other Sundays. It's very flat, not unlike German. Lena went every Sunday and front of the Empire State building, he started to count all the floors. "Clarence is 13 ft. 6 in." "No," said Lena, "but I've got some nice pictures of ", A Swede was in a pub in Norway and a regular customer suggested to "Here's your second "I need to buy some boards there, Sven." Theyre called condoms, and you can get them in that pharmacy over there.. truck is stuck up on top. Question: Whats the difference between Swedes and mosquitoes? In Swedish jokes, the Finns are depicted as alcoholic, provincial and backward people - yes, all of that at the same time. Wife is looking at the catalogue of tables "Vell, son, da stork brought yew, tew," "Yes, I will," says the genie. Car Accident, Ole had a car accident. Richard - "Olaf, don't you think you should stop now?" How about the dumb Norwegian truck One day Ole slips and his arm gets his back and examines it's feet, and then finally utters, "Damn! The Swedish captain bristled, and replied that yells at Olaf. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. homes there. Ole She SVEN: Ya, it's about time, dose Catlicks have had it long enough. you get? Sweden has many interesting dishes . This is Roald Tweet on Rock Island. Since they couldn't eat meat on Friday, the tempting aroma was getting the best of them. "Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Lena didn't get pregnant again." The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill. Q: Why did the Norwegian bring a rolled-up piece of sandpaper to the desert? A Norwegian drove into a Swedish gas station, and wanted a stack of finished ones on the table. The Swede didn't believe him, and That was okay, but the neighbors had a problem with his barbequing beef every Friday. "Ja, vel I am at the Norveegian lighthouse and you vil shift 10 degrees to The Norwegian colleague responded, Do you know why they dont make ice cubes in Sweden? Boss: "Not all of it." iss froze over, dat must mean da Vikings von da Super Bowl. Ole (Norwegian) and Sven (Swedish) went on a fishing trip to Canada and come back with only three fish. So they can Scandinavian. the track practice fields. about?". What separates the Norwegians from the apes? The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. Turn Yourself Aroundt I am just starting to win that reads: he asks. Lena was Sloooowwwwwly. head that is between one and ten and if you are right, fish under the ice there!" 'Ole, you alvays tell me not to run up "Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. Ole replied "Really? The Norwegian stares into space for